Lost in Thought

We as humans tend to obsess over ourselves, we are a generation of selfies.
We stare into the mirror endlessly, we love talking about ourselves.


But I keep asking myself where does this stem from? Are we slowly becoming more and more self indulgent, or was this inert sense of self always there? Are we exploring individualism? Or simply moving towards a more narcissistic self? Narcissism has always existed but the rate at which the intensities are peaking are rather alarming.

Does my narrative on self echo of narcissism?

I don’t know. For me it is essential to attempt to understand how my brain works, how my experiences shape my perception of the world as I know it.

This essay is almost self-indulgent where I try to breakdown how I think and feel about certain things on account of these experiences.

This might be a:
rant
monologue
none of the above

But this is how I can try and make sense of being “lost in thought and lost in time”. It’s the lyrics in a song that appeals to me more than the tune - the way it paints a picture for my imagination and how I can hang that very painting in a different setting to make sense of another context.

My mind plays games with me, more often than not it pranks me with words specific to a certain frame of reference which it then deconstructs to make ambiguous. It’s almost like a game of magnet antakshri where one player sings a song and the other player says ‘magnet’ on a word/phrase which has to be a part of the next song that he sings.

A: Such a feeling's coming over me

There is wonder in most everything I see

Not a cloud in the sky, got the sun in my eyes

And I won't be surprised if it's a dream [MAGNET]

B: I have a dream, a song to sing

To help me cope with anything

If you see the wonder of a fairy tale

You can take the future even if you fail

I believe in angels


It also acts as a bookmark for words. It sheds (to allow/ to eliminate/ an outhouse) more light from a different perspective on the way I want to make sense of things.

-

Yes, I am obsessed with finding meaning - making sense of everything I stumble upon which then creeps into my perception of how I look at life, in general. This is fuelled by extensive questioning which almost never answers the question at hand but in it’s own right can range from observation to a revelation.

This questioning has sometimes led me to my own nemesis - the balance that one must achieve is challenging that one can lost in the quest.

Sometimes the feeling of being lost can be rewarding - to unthink the thinkable and voila! Perception gets a new filter.
Other times it is unnerving where there seems to be no beginning or end.

But then again, I love a challenge - or do I like the idea of one? I’m not sure yet.

I’m not sure about a lot of things in life - what I want from it, who I am or who I want to be- and what is the point of thinking and analysing so much- I haven't found a reason or rather a good enough reason to not be or think the way I do.

Or does everyone think like this? And am I just consumed by my own thoughts - is this narcissism yet? Am I trying too hard? (right here my mind plays another song for me, “are you calm are you comfortable? Lay down your heart is over there…”)

However, I am not sure of how my brain has the ability to escalate without much trigger (without any trigger) - how my ever changing handwriting can actually be a gateway into my state of mind.

But, then again I don't write much or externalise my thoughts very often - haven't felt the need go do that yet. I do get interested in how things - small details can affect people in different way.

How does this happen? My interest in theory stems from my ardent need to understand how I make connections to make sense of the world.




Lost in Thought
Aarushi
Synesthete